


Book of Shag: The Dank and Dark Age

by webhead3019



Category: Scooby Doo - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webhead3019/pseuds/webhead3019
Summary: This is an official text for this bit of a shaggedelic religion I lead called Church of Shaggientology. All hail Shaggy, my dude.





	Book of Shag: The Dank and Dark Age

Money is of no use to us. So you take your money and you throw it out the door. Your undying devotion to the Dark Lord is more than sufficient. We are an accepting lot, but only to a degree. If you tell anyone about us, Shaggy will have no other choice, but to use 0.3% of his power. All hail the Shag.

Woah, there! Don’t zoom along too fast there, buddy. In case you didn’t get the memo, this is the official religious text for the Church of Shaggientology. If there’s one thing you should know, we’re all about the love for our bringer of Scooby-Snacks and the Age of Shag. If us just saying that made you really fucking hard, sign up now and you can be a member today. It’s free to sign up. Here at the Church of Shaggientology, we care about you.

We want nothing more than to scoop up as many of you lowlifes... I mean, upstanding people as possible. You can receive all kinds of inside information and life hacks overtime if you prove your undying devotion (especially to the all-you-can-eat buffet). We update regularly on how our dark lord is doing and how to best serve him. Are you ready to get initiated and just be fucking reborn? Well, get your fat ass in here and don’t forget to hit the punch on your way in.

Thank you so much and have a lovely day! Rehehehehe!

First thing’s first, we like to start each of our sermons off with a couple rhymes of wisdom from the wisest of the wise:

“Scoobity doobity... Messin with Lord Shaggy is stupity.”

If you got the chills just by reading that, you’ll fucking come for this one:

“Valentine’s Day is a day about love and flowers. Shaggy-Jotaro destroys assholes with his Joestar powers!”

2 rhymes a day is the limit, because any further and our initiates always get off to it. It’s a proven fact that Shaggy’s rhymes induce non-combatible sex pheromones. And as you well know, premarital sex is a big no-no, but masturbation is forcibly prohibited from initiates. I mean, come on you fucking freaks. As we’re just testing the waters, that’s about all the detail I can give you for now. All hail the Shag, my dudes!


End file.
